04 December 2005

You Know you're a Medic if....

1) Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal
2) your idea of a good time is a full code at shift change
3) you find humor in other people's stupidity
4) you believe in aerial spraying of Prozac
5) your idea of comforting a child is to put him in a papoose board
6) you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a diagnosis
7) you believe the government should require a permit to reproduce
8) you believe chocolate is a food group
9) you believe that unspeakable evils will result if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet around here."
10) when you're out in public and you compliment a stranger on their great veins
11) you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the eternal care center
12) you hate working nights that there is a full moon
13) you think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is appropriate for this patient
14) you have ever wanted to give a seminar on "Suicide: Doing it right the first time"
15) you have had to leave a patient's room before laughing uncontrollably
16) you think coffee should be available in IV form
17) you have ever tied someone to a bed and it was NOT a sexual experience
18) you believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis
19) you have referred to a paramedic as a "shit magnet" or "angel of death"
20) you believe that valium should come in the form of salt licks
21) when you mention "vegetable" you aren't referring to a food group
22) you've been exposed to so may x-rays that you say, "No I don't have to be concerned about birth control"
23) you've heard someone state " I have no idea how that got stuck up there"
24) you have all your weekends marked and planned for the year (what weekends)
25) you encourage an obnoxious person to sign AMA just so you don't have to put up with them
26) you make bets with your partner that you can make the next patient sign AMA
27) you use your status to get out of a speeding ticket
28) you use your status to get into the movies free or get a discount at a restaurant
29) you use the word "Gomer" in a sentence more than once in a shift
30) you know what "Gomer" means
31) you believe you could have flown around the world 1000 times with all the frequent flier miles your patients are racking up
32) you have ever bet on someones blood alcohol level
33) if you've ever won the bet
34) you ask a completely intoxicated patient how much they've had to drink and they say "two beers"
35) you see a coworker outside of work and you say "I didn't even recognize you with your clothes on" or "So, that's what you look like in clothes"
36) you can eat a full three course meal in less than 5 minutes
37) you have reheated that meal more than 3 times before you actually got the five minutes to eat it
38) you need lube and it's not a sexual experience
39) you have said "give me more pressure" and it's not a sexual experience
40) you enjoy working a full code because its a "good workout"
41) you compare the vomit in a full arrest to the exorcist
42) you have MRSA of the everything
43) you've ever been told you look like a prison guard
44) your uniforms take up more room in your closet than your street clothes
45) you own more than two pairs of steel toed boots
46) you have a window punch, seatbelt cutter, cpr mask, and gloves-all on your keychain
47) you actually have a good time with a psych patient
48) you actually believe that sleep is overrated
49) you can only identify where you are by what your wearing
50) you have partial hearing loss from the sirens
51) you wake up every two hours thinking you have a call- even on your nights off
52) you know the McDonald's menu from memory
53) the gals at Dunkin donut's know what you order and have it ready for you when you arrive
54) you run errands on duty to make use of the "fire lane: no parking" so you don't have to walk as far
55) you know what a GI bleed smells like
56) you think of gangrene and necrosis every time you use bleach
57) you critique shows and movies such as ER or Ladder 49 down to the last detail of what they did wrong
58) you actually enjoy pressing the "shock" button because it gives you power
59) CPR is a game: who can make the biggest wave on the monitor
60) you do anything to your patients like the cops do on Super Troopers....right meow???
61) you get so used to your bed at work you have a hard time sleeping at home
62) you believe CTD (circling the drain) and TDN (taking a dirt nap) should be approved abbreviations
63) you enjoy pushing narcan because it's like bringing back the dead

Good times. I keep adding to this list I keep in my journal at home. It has actually gotten rather long. Not much excitement today. I just can't wait to get back to work. Hopefully in the next week or two. Tomorrow I finally sign up for classes for next semester-yeah! Anyways, I need to get back to my busy life of nothing, so I will write more nonsense tomorrow.


Blogger medic! said...

#55, Woot!

How about: You base your opinions of your station-mates on how well they play Halo. (maybe that's just me...)

Blogger Mongo said...

I would like to know what a Gomer is

Blogger Trailer Park Girl said...

Yes long...but really really funny! You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac!!! I need to borrow that one!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You always have an endless supply of gloves with you

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gomer= Get Out of MY Emergency Room

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You mutter, “great veins” when being introduced to a complete stranger.

Your alcoholically challenged patients know you by your first name.

You constantly feel the veins in your girlfriends or wife’s arms, boasting, “I could hit that one easy”

You believe air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing.

You believe if the patient vomits try to hold their head to the side of the stretcher with the disposable equipment, not the stuff you have to clean.

You believe you can’t cure stupid.

You believe that idiots that get into car crashes are the first ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.

You believe when a patient vomits, be sure to aim it at the family members who wouldn’t back up.

My personal favorite... Your immune system has reached out and bitch slapped someone who wants to go to the ER because of a head cold.


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